(last one out please turn off the lights)

Before the vote and in a heated discussion I found myself turning into Eddie Izzard...

or maybe Frankie Howard.

So we vote for brexit, a significant decision, otherwise why make it.

And the votes are in and we are leaving the EU.

O Kay?... Break out the brexit plan.. I think its filed under DIY something or other.

Ah ha here we have it.

Phase 1: Put up the wall

Phase 2: Make door in wall

Phase 3: Put people we dont like on other side of wall (subnote we is a term to be decided, like is a term to be decided)

Mmm Thats clear so far

Right lets get on with it.

First lets string a wire , you know like one of those Jewish wires that marks out in and out, you can work on that side but not on this side, or maybe the other way around.

Anyway just a wire to mark where we are building a wall, help to make sure we lay the bricks straight and level wont it.

AArgh watch out there are loads of people coming this way. Quick put some more wire up. Put barbs on it, thats better. Watch out no one sneaks around the edges.

I dont know what you are supposed to do if they try ... Persuade them not to... thats up to you.

Now where were we ... phase 1

So have we chosen the wallpaper for our side of the wall, 3 ducks in a line over a pastoral scene, yes mutch prettier than the view through the wire.

My my,they seem to be in a bit of a mess over there , still none of our problem now, we're well clear of it.

Ok so the wall is expensive, may have to stick with the wire for a bit longer. Still need a door though, after all we dont want to seem unfriendly, and its nearly holiday season.

Yes just put the door between those towers there , the ones the wire is fastened to, warn them first though they've been getting a bit twitchy with all of these people trying to come and go.

At last door in place, lets get the traffic moving.

Papers please, no those are the wrong ones, you need to have 'approved in the uk' papers to sell that stuff here, after all we can't just let in any old foreign tat, we have our standards you know.

I don't care if you have a contract with a UK company , rules is rules, this is a law abiding democracy you're talking to, so go and fill in the paperwork before you come back.


Now your paperwork is in order, I'm sure the price used to be less, Ok exchange rate, administrative costs going up, well that will be the EU for you, always putting up barriers to trade.

Ah look a long queue of people coming in, and another going out, must be holiday season.

Reason for leaving the country, found a better job, you do realise that they are foreign over there , Ah you were born there, sorry didnt realise, your English is so good.

Job? A Plumber, still I suppose that leaves a vacancy here, I have a friend who is a plumber , maybe he could take the vacancy, Jack, he should be alright then.

Job? Doctor, sorry I dont know any unemployed doctors (grin) (who havnt been struck off that is). Still I am sure we will manage.

Job? Nurse, (sincerely) Really appreciate the work you have been doing, sorry to see you leaving,

Excuse me can someone else take over this queue, thank you , priorities you know, must check on the wall.

Sorry what do you mean "labour shortages", surely you have enough qualified staff to build a simple wall, look your labour problems are yours, if you couldn't do the work you shouldn't have bid for the contract.

Sorry don't care, admin costs are yours again, buck up and get on with it or we will give the job to the Mexicans, they have an experienced workforce now and they can beat your prices.

Where were we ...  oh yes,

Reason for entering country.

You claim to be a British national do you? Well place of birth is in the UK , but you still look like johhny foreigner to me. Still rules is rules.

Next. Joining family, ah you fall under the 'let them in but' rules, lots of you arn't there, all healthy are you? Who sneezed?! Can you just wait over there please, yes right the way over there please.

(aside) What are we doing about the legal unwell? The Yanks had the right idea ... Ellis island. Any candidates. Isle of Man, too far, Isle of wight, too big, Isle of Dogs, nice idea, but still too pricey, Canvey Island, sounds about right, and conveniently located.

Sorry what was that ... Ah the residents. Mmm tricky. Tell them it is for the greater good, and the 'Will Of The People' after all we are a democracy.

Filling up fast is it, that will be the bloody French, won't let us stop the immigrants on that side and just letting them through, heartless bastards, dont they realise the danger they are putting people in. The wire is pretty sharp, and now it is on all of the South coast beaches too, there have been, 'Accidents'.

Reason for leaving country, trade, good on you, got all of your paperwork filled in, you know what those beurucrats over there are like, standards for everything.

What , oh you have been following their standards anyway, isn't that expensive, Ah cost of entry to the game, Mind you some of them, yes and they just chop and change them without a by your leave now without so much as asking.

Still with the current exchange rate you must be better off cheaper Pound and all that. Ah cost of materials, is that why the cost has gone up? well I blame those foriegners they should work harder to bring the prices down. Still good luck.

Anyone seen that Johnny who I sent back to fix his paperwork?

Whats this? The Mexicans are putting the price up, but bidding for the Northern wall as well as part of a package deal.

Ok so what definition do we have for phase 3

What is We ,Like

administrator Wednesday 06 July 2016 - 9:32 pm | | Default
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